Musician and Music Related Jokes - Add your favorite!

Over the years, I've heard a ton of funny jokes that center around musicians and the music business. I could put up about 20 here,but I'll let you guys do it.

Let's keep this CLEAN! Also, no slamming of particular people, like saying, "so and so is a joke." It's already been done.

Ok, here's the starter joke:

What's the definition of an optimist?

A banjo player with a pager (cell phone for the modern day version).

Tags: Humor, Jokes, Music, Musician

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Permalink Reply by Tom Drenon on April 16, 2008 at 1:11am

How many FOH engineers does it take to change a light bulb...................They don't do lights.

Permalink Reply by Roy Edwards on April 16, 2008 at 8:11am

OK All - Here goes:

A little ole 95 year-old lady was marrying for the fourth time and so her pastor came over to consult with her just prior to the big wedding day. After much conversation, the pastor was curious as to her four husbands professions. The little old lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a banker, my second was a band director, my third was a pastor, and my fourth of course is a funeral director." The pastor was quite amazed at her variety of husbands and so he asked, "Wow, what a variety of individuals, but I must ask why that particular selection of husbands?" "Oh that's easy," the little ole lady replied, "There was one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!"

Permalink Reply by Bret Teegarden on April 16, 2008 at 8:14am

I just heard the drummer kick it...

Permalink Reply by Henk Pool on April 16, 2008 at 9:33am

Just before the show starts the MD of the band turns to the female blonde singer and tells her: when we start the first song, can you please sing the bridge first, then the 1st verse, but 3 semitones up, then we first do the outtro in 5/4, then sing the 2nd verse two times in 7/4 sing the chorus in chinese scale, and then the 3rd verse 5 semitones down. 'That's way too difficult' - anwers the singer, 'I can't do that!!!'. Says the MD : 'Hey - that's what you did yesterday'

Permalink Reply by Ross Walters on April 16, 2008 at 5:33pm

I knew a trombone player who went on this weird garlic and onion diet. He didnt actually lose any weight but we kept our distance and that made him look smaller.

Permalink Reply by Dave Webb on April 18, 2008 at 2:30pm

How many Bluegrass musicians to change a lightbulb? 4... 1 to change it and 3 to complain about it being electric.

Difference between a seamstress and a flautist? A seamstress "tucks up the frills".

Permalink Reply by John DeNosky on April 18, 2008 at 6:17pm

There's a dead guitarist and a dead drummer in the middle of the road. How can you tell which is which?

There's skid marks in front of the guitarist...

Tee Hee

Permalink Reply by Chuck Turner on April 19, 2008 at 8:03am

what did the protools engineer say to the demo singer after the first take?
that sucked come on in!!!!! ha ha

Permalink Reply by Chuck Turner on April 19, 2008 at 8:04am

how many nashville producers does it take to change a light bulb?
I dont know what you think!!!!

Permalink Reply by Bruce Wallace on April 23, 2008 at 1:48pm

so the club owner has a band cancel on him on december 30th..no music for new years eve..stressed out he asks around the club if anyone knows an available band..one guy says "sure, but they are a bit different..just accordian and banjo. They are incredible though, never seen anything like it." club owner says well i have no other options so why not. next night they show up, the club fills up, they start playing and the place is electric..he is so blown away that after the night is over he asks "hey, will you guys do next new years eve here?" they 2 guys in the band say "sure, you mind if we leave our gear here?" ...... i just said ouch to myself but i'm posting it anyway..

Permalink Reply by Roy Vogt on April 23, 2008 at 7:14pm

A sax player is walking down the street in Manhattan and he hears, "Dave, how are you?! I haven't seen you in 30 years-not since that Big Band gig we did in '78!"
"What? Oh Hi, Vinnie-is that you?
"Yeah, its' me-where have you been?"
"Well, the next day I got a call to tour with Stevie Wonder..."
"You were with Stevie Wonder? I didn't hear about that..."
"Yeah, I did that for 5 years and then became an arranger and co-producer with Quincy Jones..."
"You were with Q?!? I didn't hear about that..."
"Yeah, after I did 2 Michael Jackson projects, that's when John Williams called...."
"You work with John Williams?!? I didn't hear about that-so what brings you back here?"
"Well, you know that my wife's family lives in upstate New York, so we went back to see them. You know, it's a funny thing. We went to dinner and there was a Jazz Quartet playing and they were old buds, so I sat in with them. The only thing is, I've done nothing but write and arrange music for the last 20 years, so to tell you the truth, I didn't sound good..."
"Yeah, I heard...."

Permalink Reply by Chris Omartian on May 29, 2008 at 12:29am