A little ole 95 year-old lady was marrying for the fourth time and so her pastor came over to consult with her just prior to the big wedding day. After much conversation, the pastor was curious as to her four husbands professions. The little old lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a banker, my second was a band director, my third was a pastor, and my fourth of course is a funeral director." The pastor was quite amazed at her variety of husbands and so he asked, "Wow, what a variety of individuals, but I must ask why that particular selection of husbands?" "Oh that's easy," the little ole lady replied, "There was one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!"
Just before the show starts the MD of the band turns to the female blonde singer and tells her: when we start the first song, can you please sing the bridge first, then the 1st verse, but 3 semitones up, then we first do the outtro in 5/4, then sing the 2nd verse two times in 7/4 sing the chorus in chinese scale, and then the 3rd verse 5 semitones down. 'That's way too difficult' - anwers the singer, 'I can't do that!!!'. Says the MD : 'Hey - that's what you did yesterday'
so the club owner has a band cancel on him on december 30th..no music for new years eve..stressed out he asks around the club if anyone knows an available band..one guy says "sure, but they are a bit different..just accordian and banjo. They are incredible though, never seen anything like it." club owner says well i have no other options so why not. next night they show up, the club fills up, they start playing and the place is electric..he is so blown away that after the night is over he asks "hey, will you guys do next new years eve here?" they 2 guys in the band say "sure, you mind if we leave our gear here?" ...... i just said ouch to myself but i'm posting it anyway..
A sax player is walking down the street in Manhattan and he hears, "Dave, how are you?! I haven't seen you in 30 years-not since that Big Band gig we did in '78!"
"What? Oh Hi, Vinnie-is that you?
"Yeah, its' me-where have you been?"
"Well, the next day I got a call to tour with Stevie Wonder..."
"You were with Stevie Wonder? I didn't hear about that..."
"Yeah, I did that for 5 years and then became an arranger and co-producer with Quincy Jones..."
"You were with Q?!? I didn't hear about that..."
"Yeah, after I did 2 Michael Jackson projects, that's when John Williams called...."
"You work with John Williams?!? I didn't hear about that-so what brings you back here?"
"Well, you know that my wife's family lives in upstate New York, so we went back to see them. You know, it's a funny thing. We went to dinner and there was a Jazz Quartet playing and they were old buds, so I sat in with them. The only thing is, I've done nothing but write and arrange music for the last 20 years, so to tell you the truth, I didn't sound good..."
"Yeah, I heard...."