How would you respond?
I received a very disturbing and somewhat comical phone call tonight from a young man I accepted a Facebook "friend" request from a while back. I accepted it because there were 35 other peers listed as his friend and I thought there was no reason not to accept him. I may have even accepted him even if there were not 35 of my peers in his friend list. I suspect many of you are getting calls or messages from the same young man.
The opening of his conversation with me was something along the line of; "hey, this is first name>>, I figured you would be the one to talk to about this whole music thing..." and the conversation digressed from there as I tried to figure out who this was and how I might know him. After listening to a diatribe of rejection stories and "nobody will talk to me" language, and a lecture on how everyone in Nashville, especially the CCM crowd, were all just trying to protect their livelihoods (whatever that meant), I agreed to have him send me links to his material. He seemed to be very argumentative and angry and disturbed by the fact that his life was a mess and nobody would help him by giving him a record deal..
I told him I would listen and do one of two things; give constructive criticism or pass it on to people who could really help him break as an artist.
After listening to all three of his songs, I sent him this message;
I will be totally honest with you and tell you your songs, musicality and voice are not marketable. Your singing ability is not what masses of people will want to spend money on to listen to. This is not to say your efforts are not genuine or an offering to God, but the facts are facts. Your abilities are not on par with what is commercially acceptable. The sooner you can come to that realization, the sooner you will have peace in your life.
[his reply}
not a good enough reason to take me off of your page. I could get quite upset with your attitude. YOU are really not that important!
also, I already have one of the largest labels interested.
you basically are the antithesis of the early believer!
[and his further reply]
I also have a problem with how you kind of "tricked" me. I would never have told you that you added my page if I had known you weren't kind, understanding, thoughtful, or astute.
I never said that music was commercially ready. I don't have gear now. I can put out stuff that is top quality.
[my last (and final) reply to him]
You'll just have to have a problem with me. You are absolutely right. I am not that important, never have been and never will be. Would not even consider myself to be. I told you I would give you my honest opinion and I did. It would indeed be very "unkind" of me to lie to you and tell you are a great and gifted musician/singer/writer/whatever... when you are not. You don't have to agree. Get back with me when you put out something "top quality."
Now my question. How would some of you have handled this situation?
The reason I ask is, because of the Internet, we are probably going to see more an more of these kind of dialogs with people who we come into contact. While I am always open to finding new talent to help or possibly work with, I would like to have more insight on how to handle people who are (for the most part) delusional about their talents and/or abilities.
I don't think this would be in the same category as unknowingly passing on the next big artist.
The opening of his conversation with me was something along the line of; "hey, this is first name>>, I figured you would be the one to talk to about this whole music thing..." and the conversation digressed from there as I tried to figure out who this was and how I might know him. After listening to a diatribe of rejection stories and "nobody will talk to me" language, and a lecture on how everyone in Nashville, especially the CCM crowd, were all just trying to protect their livelihoods (whatever that meant), I agreed to have him send me links to his material. He seemed to be very argumentative and angry and disturbed by the fact that his life was a mess and nobody would help him by giving him a record deal..
I told him I would listen and do one of two things; give constructive criticism or pass it on to people who could really help him break as an artist.
After listening to all three of his songs, I sent him this message;
I will be totally honest with you and tell you your songs, musicality and voice are not marketable. Your singing ability is not what masses of people will want to spend money on to listen to. This is not to say your efforts are not genuine or an offering to God, but the facts are facts. Your abilities are not on par with what is commercially acceptable. The sooner you can come to that realization, the sooner you will have peace in your life.
[his reply}
not a good enough reason to take me off of your page. I could get quite upset with your attitude. YOU are really not that important!
also, I already have one of the largest labels interested.
you basically are the antithesis of the early believer!
[and his further reply]
I also have a problem with how you kind of "tricked" me. I would never have told you that you added my page if I had known you weren't kind, understanding, thoughtful, or astute.
I never said that music was commercially ready. I don't have gear now. I can put out stuff that is top quality.
[my last (and final) reply to him]
You'll just have to have a problem with me. You are absolutely right. I am not that important, never have been and never will be. Would not even consider myself to be. I told you I would give you my honest opinion and I did. It would indeed be very "unkind" of me to lie to you and tell you are a great and gifted musician/singer/writer/whatever... when you are not. You don't have to agree. Get back with me when you put out something "top quality."
Now my question. How would some of you have handled this situation?
The reason I ask is, because of the Internet, we are probably going to see more an more of these kind of dialogs with people who we come into contact. While I am always open to finding new talent to help or possibly work with, I would like to have more insight on how to handle people who are (for the most part) delusional about their talents and/or abilities.
I don't think this would be in the same category as unknowingly passing on the next big artist.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jason Street on -
Bret,
I would agree and say you did the right thing! I know that as a musician it's hard not not to take criticisms personal, however if you can't take the bad as well as the good, you have no business asking. A good and honest person like yourself or anybody else will still hack somebody off at some point. The young man has just the right attitude to get him run outta town.
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Permalink Reply by Corey Batorski on
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I just find it funny he felt like he could just up and call you. To me that's a pretty personal way to communicate (or solicit) yourself especially when you don't know the other person. I think its down-right rude especially without an introduction to you from someone you knew and also knew him as well. I think you were very gracious in even suggesting that you would take time to consult him a bit on his tunes. So I think he was lucky he even got that far, the rest of the story is understandable and I probably would have reacted similarly. This may even prompt you to change what personal info you put on your facebook or the people you allow into your 'friends'.
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Permalink Reply by Mark Capps on -
Well here I go...
Peter King is right and the trend that I've noticed lately is that in this world of really crappy, non-interesting, mediocre music, everybody thinks that they can be the next superstar. Thanks Disney. But the kids today have a lot of ego and none of the talent to back it up. I'm finding that the more people can do it at home, they find themselves to be the EXPERTS. Well as much as my motto is "The Client Is Always Right", sometimes the "good taste" fairy doesn't show up for the mix. This follows to getting their material out there. I get e-mails like yours all the time and as Peter said, they don't want honesty, they want someone with some INSIDE ties to get their music to someone in power. They don't want us piss-ants to to tell them that what they've spent months on is crap. Oh sorry, Non-Commercial......
As Glenn said "Help the ones you can and the other ones will hopefully fade into oblivion."!!!!
Just do what we all do, check your ego at the door and just do the best job you can.
By the way I'm now accepting unsolicited material for review..... Just Kidding..............
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Permalink Reply by Sue Rarick on -
From another perspective ... I retired from music, did well in another business and then came back to music. I was totally out of the loop by that time and I was one of those that sent out a gazillion e-mails. One reply simply said "I like what your doing but your to old and not famous enough for me". I realised he was right and immediately sent back a reply thanking him.
It didn't stop me from playing but I realised in my situation I can pretty much play whatever I feel like.
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Permalink Reply by Anthony Michael James on
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As we all know, this is an absolutely brutal business to be in and actually make a living at. The unfortunate part of this story is, I feel there are more folks out there that have the same false sense of "commercial worth" that this young man is exuding. The real disturbing thing is the negative and bitter response that comes with the kind of honesty that can only help someone regain focus or redirect it. As professionals, and I hope I can speak for the majority, the invaluable resource of constructive criticism from your peers is one way to continue growing and cultivating your craft. Bret, I think you handled this particular situation perfectly...I certainly apreciate the professionalism...AMJ
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Permalink Reply by Rolff Zwiep on -
Bret,
That IS quite disturbing as you described.
I think you handled it very well. Better than most.
Your reply was honest (I favor that) and very civil.
He has the problem and there are unfortunately more just like him.
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Permalink Reply by J.R. McNeely on
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Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip!! :)
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Permalink Reply by Nick Autry on
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It's amazing how many people just don't "get it".. you did all that you could do for the guy.
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Permalink Reply by Myrus Jones on
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This is the classic story, of why 90% of recorded material ends up in the trash. And it's kind of sad (not too sad), but I think stories like this give the rest of the kids out there that are really grinding a bad wrap. I think you handled the situation brilliantly, and with integrity. No harm done, other than a few mins of time gone to this ungrateful kid. Don't let it discourage you to reach out though. This is most definitely NOT the case for this kid, but for every channel on TV that you flip through, you're bound to find one that will grab your attention. That also doesn't mean that the one you flipped over isn't being watched by Millions of others.
Just an extra thought in response to others, on the young independent artist:
It's just the start of a generation of self recorded, packaged, distributed, and marketed material, and the way things are going, it's looking like the amount will grow 10 fold, it already seems there is a never ending plethora of this delusional "type" of artist out there flooding inboxes and myspace pages. However, on a more positive note, I believe there will be more artists like Prince (sorry to use him as the example) that spawn from this generation than any other. By that, I mean kids that can do it ALL. Hold onto your hats ladies and gentleman, because we are amidst a HUGE shift in the way things are done. IMHO, versatility is the name of the game if you want to even be close to relevant 10 years down the road. There just may be a 16 year old kid mixing w/a UAD card sounding better than all of us. And not only did he mix it in LE, he wrote it, packaged it, etc. I know my kids will have access to all that I didn't as a young musician. (if they choose to use it is another story)
And about dealing with the most ego driven generation that has walked the earth yet. (Hey, there's a reason we are called the "me" generation, right?) But is it really our fault? We all had working mothers, that just sat us in front of the TV when we cried. We were latchkey kids by age 10, and by the time we were 15, our families were divided in shambles, because over half of our parents are divorced. NOT trying to have a pity party, but who else would we turn to aside from ourselves?
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Permalink Reply by Chris Mara on -
wow...somebody crazy on the internet. call the cops! LOL
i think you handled very, very well. everyone wants your honest opinion but they really just want compliments.
-chris
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Permalink Reply by lynne robin green on -
think you handled very, very well. everyone wants your honest opinion but they really just want compliments.>>
chris said it.
i'd just add
everyone says they want your honest opinion when they really dont.
they want compliments.
ive met and dealt with writers and artists from all over the world -
and the ones that succeed are ones that listen absorb learn and use it for their own success.
yes we are living in a delusional 'what me'-hey i got talent generation.i blame american idol and youtube.
but the real music people know the difference, lol..
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Permalink Reply by Bret Teegarden on -
I just hope the "me" generation can recover when they discover that a self centered ego didn't work out so well.
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