How would you respond?
I received a very disturbing and somewhat comical phone call tonight from a young man I accepted a Facebook "friend" request from a while back. I accepted it because there were 35 other peers listed as his friend and I thought there was no reason not to accept him. I may have even accepted him even if there were not 35 of my peers in his friend list. I suspect many of you are getting calls or messages from the same young man.
The opening of his conversation with me was something along the line of; "hey, this is first name>>, I figured you would be the one to talk to about this whole music thing..." and the conversation digressed from there as I tried to figure out who this was and how I might know him. After listening to a diatribe of rejection stories and "nobody will talk to me" language, and a lecture on how everyone in Nashville, especially the CCM crowd, were all just trying to protect their livelihoods (whatever that meant), I agreed to have him send me links to his material. He seemed to be very argumentative and angry and disturbed by the fact that his life was a mess and nobody would help him by giving him a record deal..
I told him I would listen and do one of two things; give constructive criticism or pass it on to people who could really help him break as an artist.
After listening to all three of his songs, I sent him this message;
I will be totally honest with you and tell you your songs, musicality and voice are not marketable. Your singing ability is not what masses of people will want to spend money on to listen to. This is not to say your efforts are not genuine or an offering to God, but the facts are facts. Your abilities are not on par with what is commercially acceptable. The sooner you can come to that realization, the sooner you will have peace in your life.
[his reply}
not a good enough reason to take me off of your page. I could get quite upset with your attitude. YOU are really not that important!
also, I already have one of the largest labels interested.
you basically are the antithesis of the early believer!
[and his further reply]
I also have a problem with how you kind of "tricked" me. I would never have told you that you added my page if I had known you weren't kind, understanding, thoughtful, or astute.
I never said that music was commercially ready. I don't have gear now. I can put out stuff that is top quality.
[my last (and final) reply to him]
You'll just have to have a problem with me. You are absolutely right. I am not that important, never have been and never will be. Would not even consider myself to be. I told you I would give you my honest opinion and I did. It would indeed be very "unkind" of me to lie to you and tell you are a great and gifted musician/singer/writer/whatever... when you are not. You don't have to agree. Get back with me when you put out something "top quality."
Now my question. How would some of you have handled this situation?
The reason I ask is, because of the Internet, we are probably going to see more an more of these kind of dialogs with people who we come into contact. While I am always open to finding new talent to help or possibly work with, I would like to have more insight on how to handle people who are (for the most part) delusional about their talents and/or abilities.
I don't think this would be in the same category as unknowingly passing on the next big artist.
The opening of his conversation with me was something along the line of; "hey, this is first name>>, I figured you would be the one to talk to about this whole music thing..." and the conversation digressed from there as I tried to figure out who this was and how I might know him. After listening to a diatribe of rejection stories and "nobody will talk to me" language, and a lecture on how everyone in Nashville, especially the CCM crowd, were all just trying to protect their livelihoods (whatever that meant), I agreed to have him send me links to his material. He seemed to be very argumentative and angry and disturbed by the fact that his life was a mess and nobody would help him by giving him a record deal..
I told him I would listen and do one of two things; give constructive criticism or pass it on to people who could really help him break as an artist.
After listening to all three of his songs, I sent him this message;
I will be totally honest with you and tell you your songs, musicality and voice are not marketable. Your singing ability is not what masses of people will want to spend money on to listen to. This is not to say your efforts are not genuine or an offering to God, but the facts are facts. Your abilities are not on par with what is commercially acceptable. The sooner you can come to that realization, the sooner you will have peace in your life.
[his reply}
not a good enough reason to take me off of your page. I could get quite upset with your attitude. YOU are really not that important!
also, I already have one of the largest labels interested.
you basically are the antithesis of the early believer!
[and his further reply]
I also have a problem with how you kind of "tricked" me. I would never have told you that you added my page if I had known you weren't kind, understanding, thoughtful, or astute.
I never said that music was commercially ready. I don't have gear now. I can put out stuff that is top quality.
[my last (and final) reply to him]
You'll just have to have a problem with me. You are absolutely right. I am not that important, never have been and never will be. Would not even consider myself to be. I told you I would give you my honest opinion and I did. It would indeed be very "unkind" of me to lie to you and tell you are a great and gifted musician/singer/writer/whatever... when you are not. You don't have to agree. Get back with me when you put out something "top quality."
Now my question. How would some of you have handled this situation?
The reason I ask is, because of the Internet, we are probably going to see more an more of these kind of dialogs with people who we come into contact. While I am always open to finding new talent to help or possibly work with, I would like to have more insight on how to handle people who are (for the most part) delusional about their talents and/or abilities.
I don't think this would be in the same category as unknowingly passing on the next big artist.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Dave Martin on -
Ummm... A fine old Nashville tradition is to explain how their recordings don't really show anything that a label would be interested in hearing, but you'd be happy to help them make a marketable demo. In other words. take their money.... :)
Seriously, whenever someone seems creepy on a social site, I'll delete 'em and then ignore 'em.
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Permalink Reply by Glenn Spinner on -
Well, being the crass New Yorker that still resides in me, I'm thinking two words, starting with F and ending in, well you can figure it out from there. That is really bizarre to say the least. Now please take this with a grain of salt but he sounds like one of those bible thumpers that will tell you if you don't believe in Jesus you're going to hell. I had a guy lecture me for 45 minutes once in Buffalo saying that I was going to hell for not believing. There's probably a reason he's been blown off or ignored by many in the industry and when someone does give him the time of day, he basically shits on them. I don't think he's got any interest from a major label because if he did, why did he need your opinion in the first place? He probably sent it to the label without even asking.
As far as how to deal with it, just delete him off your FB, myspace, whatever page you have and go on with your life. It's not worth worrying about but sure made a funny story/post.
As far as dealing with people in general, that is a tougher question but if they come to you for advice and are genuinely good people, be supportive in any way you can and hopefully the knowledge and experience you've gained over the years can benefit them and their careers. There have been plenty of people I'm sure that have helped you and you and others have helped me so it's always good to give back when we can. I know you do that and you tried in this case but this person sounds like they were way off their meds to help out. It's a shame but there are people who will ask for help/advice and no matter the answer you give them they're unhappy with the response. Help the ones you can and the other ones will hopefully fade into oblivion.
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Permalink Reply by Mark Capps on -
Does "F" end with " 'em "???
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Permalink Reply by Glenn Spinner on
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Nope. Any other guesses. I will give you a hint. The last word is a bug spray.
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Permalink Reply by Mark Capps on
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F "n" Raid????
;-)
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Permalink Reply by Glenn Spinner on
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Come on Mark. I'll give you another hint at the second word. It's the opposite of ON.
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Permalink Reply by Mark Capps on
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Glenn, are you so "off" your game to know I'm "F" to the "I" to the "N" to the "G" with ya'
;-)
It's "line" isn't it. "F" ing "On" "Line".............
More clues please.......
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Permalink Reply by Glenn Spinner on
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OK, one last cue. My mental state is much like yours, it's usually?
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Permalink Reply by Mark Capps on
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aaaaahhhhhh!!!!!! got it.........
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Permalink Reply by Jeff Duffield on -
I feel you did the best you could. The young man obviously is defensive and insecure about his work.
Years ago I had a young lady book a demo session who worked as a nurse. Her goal was to submit her demo to CBN, who at the time was running a talent search.
Her musical ability were limited, to say the least. Pitch, timing, let alone any interpretation was sorely lacking. I let her sing with her track 2 times, then went out in the studio, and sat down to talk with her.
(BTW, I noticed the car she was driving was not in good shape, and her clothing was not "brand new".)
I kindly told her that her singing was not going to be what CBN was looking for. I suggested to her that she instead invest her money in clothing and car repairs. I didn't charge her, (I couldn't) and kindly sent her on her way.
She thanked me for my honesty, and went on her way home. Sometimes, ya just can't charge somebody, even if you're entitled. She was never going to be a singer, and I couldn't see her wasting money that she didn't have.
To me, it's always best to be honest, even if the client doesn't receive it well. It's then their problem.......
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Permalink Reply by Kyler Clark - KC Guitar Works on -
Well done!
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Permalink Reply by Dave Bechtel on -
Maybe I'm some sort of pompous jerk but... I simply don't add ANYONE as a "friend" unless I know them personally. Whole lot of reasons for that (this type of situation is exactly why).
I think you did the right thing. The thing the sucks is that even though you did everything right and this young person didn't have any right to speak to you in the manner that they did, it still makes you feel bad.
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